It is important to build the good relationship with your surrogate as it benefits both the parties. Surrogates are mentally prepared and ready to help others. Their basic aim to become a surrogate is to help you create your family and the pay-off for them is seeing you gazing at your newborn for the first time. In this Post, let’s know the things that can help make your relationship smooth and pleasant. At Seed ART Bank, we have been telling surrogates and intended parents that the basic four things that makes a sound relationship in surrogacy work includes trust, communication, appropriate boundaries and flexibility.
Trust is the first and foremost ingredient to build a good relationship in the surrogacy program. It should be at the core of your relationship with your surrogate. Trust is considered as a mutual gift and boosts the success in any surrogacy program. Surrogates after being selected in the matching program want to feel that you trust them and that you know that your baby is in good hands. They don’t want or need to be managed by you (although of course it’s understandable that you want lots of details). If you have a solid foundation of trust in your surrogate and she in you, you will be able to relax and enjoy your surrogacy journey.
Communication is the second important ingredient in your surrogacy relationship. Being able to communicate with each other about your relationship and about the pregnancy will certainly help you feel that you are really participating and it will help your surrogate feel that you really care. You can have face-to-face communication or if intended parents reside at some other, you can chat, skype or call with the surrogate at regular intervals. These things are being facilitated by the team of professionals at Seed Art Bank, the largest surrogacy agency in India. The best way to keep open lines of communication with your surrogate is to be interested in her and her life, but you can keep it light and let the relationship develop naturally.
Setting the boundaries is an essential part of any relationship and the surrogacy relationship is no exception. One should be always careful about the thin line between the commitments and services. The parties involved in the surrogacy program should also be careful not to make promises that you can’t keep–remember your surrogacy relationship exists for one goal: to help you create your family. Intended parents sometimes make the mistake of “falling in love at first sight” with their surrogate when they meet her and realize that she is the woman who will help them fulfill their dream of parenthood. In that honeymoon phase they may reveal things or promise things that they later regret. The rule of thumb is: take it slow, be warm and authentic and have good boundaries.
Flexibility is the last ingredient in the surrogacy relationship is. Surrogacy is not a linear process and there are many points in the journey where flexibility will be essential. Remember that your surrogate probably has a very full life outside of the surrogacy and although your journey to parenthood may be first and foremost on your mind, she also has to think about her kids, her partner, and her job, and the surrogacy may not always be first in line for her attention. So, be flexible in your expectations of her. She doesn’t need to return your call instantly to be taking good care of her body and your baby!
Overall, your surrogate’s primary goal is to succeed at having your baby–the relationship that you have along the way is the backdrop for that unfolding story and the beginning chapter in your child’s life. When you trust each other, have good, open communication, live inside of appropriate and fluid boundaries and bring flexibility to all of your expectations you set the stage for a wonderful journey together!